Lonely

Being lonely and left feeling alone isn't the best feeling in a marriage. Never feeling like your wanted, just ignored and walked past as if you didn't exist. Left to cook, clean and referee the kids including his, getting drove crazy by them and trying to raise them right when he has absolutely no care in the world how they turn out obviously. It's my job to make sure they graduate and to make sure they all don't turn out to be ungrateful little shits -all my job! He can skirt around with an ex girlfriend behind my back, yet I forgive him bc realizing we both neglected each other in the marriage, only now, it has become nothing but one sided. My side.... my efforts to make him happy and do all of the duties of a mother and father. Why Why Why have I done this to myself? Taking him back after this last episode and he getting busted. I am the one trying harder and apologizing? I think it's time to make some changes in my life and he will be the first one. After all, it's better than shaving my head and going insane, losing myself and the children in the process as he enjoys his best friend (his 19 year old son) - not me!
                               Sincerely, bored out of my mind bc he doesn't do a thing with me or for me.
WTH is wrong with me?

It's better this way

When a husband steps out of the marriage for someone he looked up (ex girlfriend) on social media for attention and love, I guess social media isn't the place for either of us to be. For a peace of mind, it is best that he is monitored with who he connects with outside of the home. It's all about gaining trust right? Proof that he isn't going to look anymore if your putting effort into changing and giving him more attention. I suppose it's for the greater good, and maybe help rekindle passion and friendship between us. My problem understanding the fact that me, his wife, was left out of the information that he is feeling neglected and unloved because he never said a word and never offered to do anything with me or talk to me. I've never been married for 11 years in my life so I have no idea how this works, how to ask questions on what they're feeling.  I wasn't aware or obviously missed the memo that I was supposed to talk to him regularly and ask him how he is feeling, if he's feeling happy or loved, if he's still in love with me or if he's feeling neglected. I'm DEFINATELY not the type to be asking him if he's interested in someone else or keeping tabs on him. Psycho just isn't my thing... well it is now!  I always had the understanding that they would come to you (the wife), that they are feeling neglected or wanted to hang out with you or do something with you instead of you going off with a friend or such. I've thought so many times that I wanted this marriage to be over because of this, but I have been dependent on him for 11 years and with having 3 kids and bills, there is absolutely no way I could survive without him, I love him, he's all I've known for 12 years and there's no way he could survive by committing adultry and being left to pay child support and spousal support. I feel like I should have left the marriage and be moving on, but there had been so many years of life put into this marriage that I will never get back and there's not really any sense in throwing it all away bc of this. Therefore, leaving the social media grid may not be a bad thing for the both of us.  It has its perks and I think things will be so much better. Now I can give him that attention he longs for and it will keep him away from temptation of stepping out. Thinking to myself....  why would I want to keep a man that is having temptation from stepping out of the marriage. That is his problem, not mine and obviously it isn't me that he is wanting. Is he staying because he knows he is trapped and will be broke if he leaves? Keeping in my mind that the kids will be old enough in the next few years... will he do this again when time comes that he is free of child support?  At this point, either is fine with me, I will make sure he turns to dust...  isn't it him that should be apologizing and working his ass off to gain my forgiveness and trust???  I have put in every single bit of effort for the past week and a half on making this work and killing him with love and attention, yet I have heard not one apology.  I know it's coming. Should I stop putting forth every single bit of this effort?  I feel like he has reversed the rolls onto me that it was my fault and I should shower him with love and attention when he was the one that done wrong. Not me!