This too shall pass

So this thing called life
I find it gets harder and harder every single day. The pressure never subsides, the thoughts of continuing to live just keep getting more and more complicated and the want for my own life decreases by the hour.  They always say god will never give you more than you can handle...  I’ve had my share thank you and I believe beyond a reasonable doubt that it is bullshit. Wherever god is, I have never in my life understood why he hates me so much and gives me an extreme amount more than I can handle. The only things that have kept me going for the past 10 Years have been my children. They drive me absolutely crazy but what would life be like for them if they didn’t any longer have a mother bc she couldn’t handle anymore bullshit? I could never ever put my kids through that. I don’t think there has been a single day pass that I have not been tested. I haven’t always passed, but I have survived the storms god has thrown my way. For that, the fear has been the only thing keeping me going bc I surely do not want to be here any longer, but I need to be. My job here on earth is not finished, I will never be finished.